There is something my daughter has done for as long as I can remember.
Whenever she gets the opportunity, she brings me flowers.
I have memories of this going as far back as when she was about five or six years old. Whenever we were around a garden or somewhere with flowers, she would pick one or two and bring them to me.
Sometimes, it was just a little flower she had spotted along the way. Nothing elaborate. Nothing expensive. Just a flower she had found and decided to give to Mummy.
Initially, I probably saw it as one of those sweet things little children do. But as the years went by and I noticed that she kept doing it, I began to realise that it was more than a random childhood habit.
It was intentional.
She had found a little way of expressing affection, and she kept at it.
Today, she is a young adult, and guess what? She still does it!
In fact, we were out somewhere recently when she picked a flower and brought it to me.
And honestly, it warmed my heart.
There was something particularly touching about receiving that little flower from her. At her age, when life is becoming more complex and young adulthood comes with its own demands, it was lovely to see that this little expression of affection had remained.
I have come to recognise it as one of her ways of saying, "Mummy, I love you."
It is her little love language.
And I absolutely love it!
I do not take it for granted. Whenever she does it, I appreciate it because I understand that it means something to her. It is not just about the flower. It is about the thought, the intention and the affection behind it.
And this has made me think more deeply about how we express and receive love within our families.
We Do Not All Speak the Same Language of Love
One interesting thing about human relationships is that we do not always express love in the same way.
We may love someone deeply, but the way we demonstrate that love may be completely different from how they demonstrate theirs.
Some people express affection through words. They are comfortable saying, "I love you", giving compliments, offering encouragement and telling people how much they mean to them.
Others express love through acts of service. They show up to help, prepare a meal, run an errand, fix something or take care of a responsibility.
Some people love spending time with the people who matter to them. For them, being together, having conversations, sharing experiences and creating memories are important expressions of affection.
Others enjoy giving and receiving thoughtful gifts. It is not necessarily about the monetary value of the gift but the thought behind it.
And then there are those who express affection through physical touch: a hug, holding hands, a gentle touch on the shoulder or simply sitting close to someone.
These are commonly described as the five love languages, a concept popularised by Gary Chapman.
I find the concept useful because it encourages us to pay attention to the different ways people communicate affection.
However, I also think it is important not to put people in rigid boxes. Human beings are complex, and our ways of expressing love can change with age, circumstances and relationships. We may also express affection in several ways rather than just one.
The important thing is to become observant.
To pay attention to the little things people do.
To recognise the intention behind their actions.
And to understand that love does not always look the same in everybody.
Sometimes, Love Is Hiding in the Little Things
Think about the people in your family.
Perhaps your husband is not particularly expressive with words, but he consistently makes sure that certain things are taken care of.
Perhaps your child is not the type to hug you or say affectionate things, but they always want to tell you about what happened during their day.
Perhaps someone in your family remembers your favourite food and makes sure you have some.
Someone else may always call to check on you, even when there is nothing particularly important to discuss.
Or perhaps you have a family member who enjoys doing little things to make you smile.
These gestures may seem ordinary, but they can communicate something profound.
"I thought about you."
"I remembered what you like."
"I wanted to make you happy."
"I care about you."
Sometimes, we overlook these expressions because they do not come in the form we expect.
We are waiting for someone to say the right words, while they are demonstrating affection through their actions.
We are expecting a grand gesture, while they are consistently showing up in small ways.
We are looking for love in one direction when it may be coming from another.
I think one of the beautiful things we can learn as families is to become better observers of one another.
Parenting: Learning How Our Children Express Love
My daughter's little flower tradition has also reminded me of something about parenting.
Our children are individuals. They have their own personalities, preferences and ways of relating to the people around them.
Even within the same family, children may express affection very differently.
One child may be naturally expressive and affectionate. Another may be quieter and less demonstrative.
One may enjoy physical affection, while another may prefer sitting beside you and having a conversation.
One may constantly bring you little gifts, while another may show love by offering to help with something.
And sometimes, as parents, we need to learn to recognise these differences rather than expect every child to express affection in the same way.
I also think there is something important about the foundations we establish while our children are growing up.
When children grow up in an environment where affection, kindness, appreciation and emotional connection are encouraged, they have opportunities to develop healthy ways of expressing love.
It does not mean that every child will grow into an adult who expresses affection in exactly the same way. Personality, experiences and individual choices all play a role.
But the foundations matter.
The little habits we nurture, the conversations we have, the affection we demonstrate and the emotional safety we create can become part of how our children learn to relate to others.
And sometimes, years later, you look at something your child does and realise that a little seed planted during childhood has continued to grow.
For me, every flower my daughter brings is a lovely reminder of that.
Are We Making Room for Other People's Love Languages?
Here is where I think we all have something to learn.
It is one thing to recognise how we like to receive love. It is another thing to make an effort to understand how the people around us receive and express it.
Sometimes, we unconsciously expect people to love us in the way we love them.
If we are expressive, we expect them to be expressive.
If we enjoy gifts, we expect thoughtful gifts.
If we value quality time, we may interpret someone's busy schedule as a lack of affection.
But what if that person is expressing love differently?
What if their way of showing affection is doing things for you that you have stopped noticing?
What if they are making sacrifices, offering support or consistently showing up, but because these gestures do not match your expectations, you fail to appreciate them?
Of course, this does not mean we should dismiss our emotional needs or excuse a lack of affection in our relationships.
Healthy relationships require communication, mutual consideration and intentional effort.
We should be able to tell the people we love what makes us feel appreciated, just as we should be willing to listen when they tell us what matters to them.
Love should not be a guessing game.
Sometimes, we need to have those conversations.
"How do you like to be shown affection?"
"What makes you feel appreciated?"
"Is there something I do that makes you feel loved?"
These may seem like simple questions, but they can open up meaningful conversations within a family.
And perhaps we should ask ourselves another question:
When people make an effort to show us love, do we recognise it? Do we appreciate it? Do we reciprocate?
Because receiving love is also something we must learn to do.
Love Should Be Expressed, Recognised and Appreciated
There is a beautiful Scripture in 1 John 3:18:
"My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth."
I particularly love the message in this verse.
Love is not just something we talk about. It should find expression in how we treat people.
It should be evident in our actions, our consideration, our kindness and the way we show up for those who matter to us.
And I think this applies to family life in a very practical way.
We should not assume that the people in our families automatically know how much we love them.
We should find ways to demonstrate it.
Say the kind words.
Give the hug.
Make the phone call.
Prepare the meal.
Offer the help.
Remember the little things that matter to them.
And when they make an effort to show us love, acknowledge it.
Do not make the mistake of becoming so familiar with someone's kindness that you begin to take it for granted.
Sometimes, a simple "Thank you, I really appreciate this" can encourage someone to continue doing the little things that make a relationship special.
I also believe that appreciation creates an atmosphere where affection can flourish.
When people know that their efforts are seen and valued, they are more likely to feel encouraged to keep expressing themselves.
A Little Flower Can Say So Much
I do not know whether my daughter realises how much joy those little flowers bring me.
Perhaps, to her, it is simply something she has always enjoyed doing.
But to me, it has become a beautiful reminder of affection, consistency and the little ways love finds expression.
It has also taught me not to underestimate the small things.
We sometimes wait for special occasions to demonstrate love. We wait for birthdays, anniversaries, celebrations and other significant moments.
But family relationships are built in the everyday moments.
In the little gestures.
In the thoughtful acts.
In the conversations.
In the laughter.
In the willingness to show up.
In the things we do without being asked.
And perhaps the real beauty of family life is learning to recognise these moments and appreciate them while they are happening.
So, today, I want to leave you with a few questions.
Have you taken time to recognise how the individual members of your family express love?
Do you know what makes your spouse feel appreciated? Do you understand how your children demonstrate affection? Have you noticed the little things they consistently do for you?
And just as importantly, are you making an effort to reciprocate?
Perhaps someone in your family has been speaking their own language of love all along, but you have not quite learnt to understand it.
Take a moment to pay attention.
You might discover that love has been showing up in the most ordinary places.
Sometimes, it comes in the form of a hug.
Sometimes, it is a meal prepared just for you.
And sometimes, it is simply a little flower picked from a garden and brought to Mummy.
Love is not always loud. Sometimes, it is found in the little things we do consistently. May we learn to recognise it, appreciate it and give it generously.
A Moment for Reflection
- What are some of the little things your family members do that make you feel loved?
- Have you identified how your spouse and children naturally express affection?
- Are you making room for their ways of expressing love, even when they differ from yours?
- When was the last time you deliberately showed someone in your family how much you appreciate them?
Perhaps today is a good day to start paying attention.
And if someone brings you a little flower, don't just take the flower. Receive the love behind it.